Success & My Daddy's Birthday

“Success. If you have tried to do something and failed, you are vastly better off than if you had tried to do nothing and succeeded.”

I cannot remember when I first noticed it, but my dad has had this quote on a piece of paper for quite some time. It looks as if someone photocopied it from another source, with lines and folds on a normal sized sheet of paper, and this quote taking up 1/10 of the space.

I describe my daddy as one of the hardest men I know, because I’m not sure what other word to use to describe him. Today is his birthday - he’s 71. I don’t know any other 71 year old man like my daddy.

From the time he was a young boy, he had responsibilities on the farm. His childhood was completely unlike my childhood, or my children’s current childhood. The only extracurricular activities in which he participated were 4-H, showing cattle, and working with my grandfather on the farm. He often tells my kids, “By the time I was your age I was driving a tractor by myself sowing wheat,” which would be at about the age of 10. In high school, my daddy had a route selling eggs - before school started. He had several stores to whom he delivered eggs prior to his day starting at school, where he was at the top of his class.

His mom died from radiation treatments for cancer when he was only 16. My aunt was 13 at the time, and was left with keeping the home running while my dad and grandfather were keeping the farm running. My grandmother would have been 100 just a few days ago, had she still been alive. So many years have passed, but every time he is proud of me, or one of my sisters, or one of my kids, he always tells me (with tears in his eyes) how proud my grandmother would have been to see it. That is a high compliment, because in his eyes, my grandmother hung the moon.

The thing I remember about my daddy throughout my childhood was how hard he worked. He was usually up and gone very early because cattle had to be fed and the day had to start. Weather does not have any effect on whether farmers go to work. No snow days, and barely time to stop to take a short vacation with family.

I am a twin to Sara, and a younger sister to Allison. Sara and Allison formed a bond the minute we were born, because Sara was small enough to be fed by Allison, who was 3.5 years older. As a result, I was constantly fighting for my place as the third wheel in the sister group….and when I say fighting, it is literal. My Riley is a fighter (not physically, but the girl is beyond loyal to friends, and sometimes is overboard with standing up for herself and for her friends.). When Riley was little, my husband asked my dad if I “fought” him like Riley was doing. My daddy’s response: “Shannan would fight anything.” I think he is proud of that.

My daddy also has an extremely tender heart, and years are proving that we get to see evidence of that. After fighting with one of my sisters, almost a daily occurrence of my childhood, my daddy would invite me to “rock” with him. Many times as a girl, I thought the world was against me, and my daddy would invite me to curl up on his lap, and he would just rock us in his recliner and watch tv together. I don’t remember many words spoken, just being held. The world could have fallen apart around us, but I was safe there in my daddy’s arms, while he rocked my cares away.

My parents supported me, my sisters, and now my kids in each new endeavor. Sometimes the only thing for which my dad would then stop working, and will now stop working, is to watch my kids play sports or perform in a talent show, or to come see me sing and play. He soaks in every moment.

A year ago my dad had a heart attack…in the field….chasing cattle on a four wheeler. Did he stop? Nope. He had the cattle he needed in his sights, and that had to be finished before he stopped to think about having a heart attack. Again…one of the hardest men I know. Praise God he was ok until he got to the hospital, and he is back to working 10 hour days.

“You just have to keep on a goin’.” My daddy says this frequently. Cattle trading - it is not for the faint-hearted, nor for the “non” risk taker. Sometimes things go for the great, sometimes things go south. “It’s just business. You just have to keep on a goin’.”

Maybe that’s where my sisters and I learned risk-taking. I cannot remember a time when my parents ever said that we couldn’t do something (except for cheerleading in third grade - thank goodness my mama said that. I would have missed out on playing basketball and volleyball!). My dad and mom always encouraged us, “You can do anything you set your mind to.” I think that has played out in our lives, and certainly has played out in the way we approach things in the world. Analyze the situation and go for it, if it’s something you want to do.

This approach to new experiences encouraged all of us to try new things, with little doubt that we were either smart enough to figure it out or that we could work hard enough to achieve anything.

I think about Paul’s letter to the Ephesians (5:16)… (I bolded parts)

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

So, today, on my daddy’s birthday, I think about the SUCCESS quote that he gave to me. He didn’t say anything when he handed me the framed quote, and he didn’t have to. I knew why he was giving it to me…he was encouraging me to keep being vulnerable and taking risks with this music that I’m writing. He was telling me not to look back and have any regrets about not trying. He was telling me how proud he was of me for figuring out what I’ve figured out so far, and to keep pressing on, making the most of every opportunity.

I have to add…my daddy also has another saying, “As Dizzy Dean said, ‘If you done it, it ain’t bragging.’”

Song Story: You See Me

One year ago today, I finished a song entitled, “You See Me,” and later included it on my first album.

To set the stage for how and why this song was created, I will start with the Saturday before Valentine’s Day. On this particular day, I went to my former church (where I had left only a few months prior) to attend the funeral of a friend’s mother. It was the first time I had entered the building since leaving that church. My family and I were getting ready, and my intuitive Reed asked if I was nervous about going back. He could see that I was a bit anxious, as I am terrible about hiding my feelings. Instead, I usually write them all over my face and into my demeanor, despite my efforts of being fine.

We walked into the church, and I was almost nauseous. I had loved that place. We were married there, and all three of our children were baptized there; however, the building now held other emotions, including those from events that occurred leading to my resignation. Entering the sanctuary was overwhelming, and I took deep breaths to hold back tears, as emotions flooded back into my head and heart. I gathered myself, and wore a facade to try to appear as if I was doing well. I barely made it out of the sanctuary before I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. I went to my room when I got home, and wept. Prior to this day, I thought I was moving past all of this, but the scabs just seemed to be scraped off of wounds still present, only hidden.

The next day my family and I attended church where my dear friend Justin Gillespie was pastor at the time. I was carrying the sadness from the prior day. The sermon that day was about the “woman of the city” found in Luke 7:36-48.

36 When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37 A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. 38 As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.”

40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.”

“Tell me, teacher,” he said.

41 “Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

49 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”

50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Never before had I been the prostitute in this story, but the life to which Justin pointed was one about which I hadn’t previously thought. The woman knew that at the feet of Jesus was where she needed to be, despite also knowing that her reputation in the town preceded her. She would never have been welcome in a Pharisees’ home, and on the way there, she would have endured snide comments from others, whispers and stares. She had to push all of that aside, despite the hurt that would plant so deeply, to get to Jesus.

She falls at His feet knowing that is where she will find peace. Maybe she was a prostitute because she was a mom who had been left by a husband who was deceased, and thought that was the only way she would make money. Maybe she longed for someone to need her, and her profession fulfilled that in small bits, like a drug that satisfied for a time. Maybe she didn’t realize that she found her purpose in her profession.

At a moment in that service, my sweet friend had to go get tissues for me. Justin’s point was clear and so true: Jesus sees us as we really are - every piece of us. The worst and the best. The ugly and the beautiful. He does not turn us away, even though our reputation precedes us.

AND, when we see Jesus for who He really is, we are drawn to His lovingkindness and grace. There, at the feet of Jesus, is where we, too, find our peace. Jesus tells the woman, “Go in peace,” and replaces the emptiness and aching in that precious woman’s heart with His peace. His love. His wholeness. His righteousness. He covers our sin and shame with His grace.

That day was life changing for me. I realized that we all have a similar story. Our stories all come down, if we dig deeply enough, to a point where Jesus Christ is our only righteousness and peace. That’s the foundation. If we strip away all of the excess, that’s what is left. “My soul finds rest in God alone.” -Psalm 62

1 John 4:19 - “We love because He first loved us.” I want to love like that. I want to see beyond the surface of people’s skin. Lord, help me, by Your grace. The plank in my own eye vs. the speck in someone else’s.

And so, even though I wrote this story about her and about me, I know that this story is most likely about all of us, taking our entire selves - the hurt we have endured, and the hurt we have done to others, falling down at the feet of Jesus, and hearing him say, “Go in peace.”

You See Me

You look beyond the surface of my skin. This fearless shell I’m wearing hides my wounds within. Beyond what others say of me, beyond the mess I’ve made of me.

You hear the words that plant so deep. I pull them out, but then they creep back in on me; recurring whispers of disgrace. Undeserving, out of place.

But You see me for who I really am, and You don’t turn me away. No, You welcome my praise to You. And when I see You as You are, I fall down at Your feet, drawn by Your love for me.

You see my past and my today. You see the hurt and hurtful things I say. You want my worst, You want my best. You love me in my brokenness.

But You see me for who I really am, and You don’t turn me away. No, You welcome my praise to You. And when I see You as You are, I fall down at Your feet, drawn by Your love for me.

Jesus, You replace the aching in my heart with Your peace. You take my sin and shame and cover it with grace. Jesus, You replace the aching in my heart with Your peace. You take my sin and shame and cover it with grace.

And You see me for who I really am, and You don’t turn me away. No, You welcome my praise to You. And when I see You as You are, I fall down at Your feet, drawn by Your love for me.

I fall down at Your feet, drawn by Your love for me.

The Plank and The Speck

I was incredibly blessed to be in a Sunday school class taught by Chuck Thompson. Chuck is an author, therapist, and psychology professor at King University. I had the opportunity at King (College, back in the day) to take a class of his about the book of James, about which he wrote, ”The James Prescription.” (link below). This class was THE class wherein I learned the most applicable knowledge in my entire four years at King. Maybe it was that my heart needed to try to understand my own trials and past. For whatever reason, “James” is always my answer to the best class I took in college.

Having a Sunday school teacher with a counseling background has given me new eyes in which to view people and situations and events in the Bible. Upon dissecting a story or passage, Chuck would encourage us to look more deeply at a situation, at a person’s background, at the culture….and THEN to rethink and speculate on how or why something happened.

Not only did we analyze what was going on in scripture, but we applied it to present day, here and now, and in our own personal thoughts and lives. Chuck often referenced the story found in Matthew (or Luke), when Jesus says,

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

I will be the first to admit that I am loyal to friends and family, and will defend those I love quickly (sometimes too quickly). Sometimes I step away from a situation, and am confident that my defense was in love, and that what I said or my reaction was warranted. Sometimes I step away from the situation, and with some self-evaluation, determine that I have allowed the speck in someone else’s eye to become larger than the plank in my own.

This passage of scripture, when I keep it in the forefront of my mind, humbles me greatly. Number 11 on “Pressed, But Not Crushed,” is a song I wrote entitled, “You See Me.” (I’ll do song stories in this blog soon.). The song addresses how God looks beyond the shell we wear on the outside, often a shell of fearlessness or “everything’s fine” facade. In the second verse, however, I did address the plank in my own eye.

You see my past and my today.

You see the hurt and hurtful things I say.

You want my worst; You want my best.

You love me in my brokenness.

Although I (or close friends or family) had been hurt (and will be hurt) by others, I am also an offender. Jesus loves me in my brokenness, too. Just like He loves those who hurt me, whether I or they hurt intentionally or not. Shew. That’s grace. That’s what it’s supposed to look like coming from us, too.

The Enemy wants us to compare ourselves to one another:

“You’d be better if you looked like her.”

“You’d be a better mom if…”.

“You’d be a better wife if….”

or “You are so much better because______.”

“You’re not as good as __________”

“You’re too old.”

All of these are judgments, against ourselves and against others, and the Enemy loves it. It’s divisive.

When I call one of my kids out for not doing something he/she should have done, I’m often redirected to another sibling who was not doing “the right thing” either. A diversion in a conversation like this makes me bonkers in the moment, and I often respond with “This doesn’t have to do with him/her; this has to do with you!” Oh, I know God says this to me when I feel like I’ve been treated unfairly or when I feel like I’ve been singled out.

The only comparison we can offer ourselves is the “old self” vs. “new self,” not because we have done all of this work, it’s a gift. The blood of Jesus Christ is covering over all of those comparisons, and continues to mold and shape us into His image.

For it is by grace you have been saved through faith, and this not from yourselves; it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:9

When we give grace to ourselves and others, stress and unrest are exchanged with peace and reconciliation. I am working toward that. Sometimes pride gets in the way, but sometimes a simple change of perspective makes a situation absolutely understandable, and forgiveness is so much easier if we can understand why a person would react in a certain way or say what was said.

So, today I pray that my focus would be Jesus, and who I am in Him. Then I will see the plank in my own eye, and the great amount of grace that covers over it….then, the speck in another’s eye isn’t even in my periphery.

Thanks, Chuck.

https://www.amazon.com/James-Prescription-Chuck-Thompson/dp/1463506694

Notions

Instead of long posts on social media, I’ve decided to gather my thoughts here, trying to consolidate all of my “stuff” in one place.

I’ve entitled this blog “notions,” which seems like a much better word to describe my own thoughts. “Thoughts“ sounds too stuffy to explain just what I’m thinking. They may be thoughts, but somehow that word makes it seem like my thoughts are important. They aren’t necessarily.

Growing up in Chinquapin, I heard phrases that are only used in the South - such as, “If you take a notion to…..” If you “took a notion to,” it meant “if you had the time to take and wanted to entertain” whatever followed the “if.”

So, today, I’m taking a notion to start gathering my “notions” here. My aim is to be real and transparent. This life is rough, whether you are following Jesus or not. I happen to be following Jesus, and the Bible promises that in this world we will have troubles. The difference for me: Jesus is holding me up. Somedays you will see that. Somedays you will wonder where my faith went, and question how I’m pointing people to Him. I’m glad the Bible is full of many characters who doubt, totally mess up (knowing they are doing the wrong thing, but doing it anyway), and think they know better. All of those describe me, depending on the day. I hope, however, that overall you will see that I’m striving to fight the good fight, ONLY by the grace and mercy of God.

So, in case my music makes it seem like I have it all figured out, I’m going to be transparent about my struggles here. I hope you enjoy it if you read it. If you don’t want to, that’s ok, too. I’m collecting notions here.